It starts out with me thinking that my scale is broken. So, I look up the company that makes it and call customer service [because everyone knows that's my favorite pastime].
CSR: "Thank you for calling Pleasantly Plump Weight Indicator Technologies, How may I help you?"
ME: There's something wrong with my scale.
CSR: Could you describe the problem?
ME: Well, I got on this morning and the number that came up was lower than last week. By like 3 pounds.
CSR: Hmmm.... Did you check the battery?
ME: Yep, it's a new battery.
CSR: Are you using the scale on a hard, level surface?
ME: Yep.
CSR: Not on carpet?
ME: No.
CSR: Is it possible you're on a hill?
ME: In the bathroom? I don't think so. We moved recently, do you think I could've damaged it in the move?
CSR: Well, it's coming on, right? And everything else looks normal?
ME: Yes.
CSR: And you're standing directly on the scale, not holding on to anything for balance? Like a towel rack? Lots of people hold the towel rack.
ME: Nope, not holding onto anything; both feet fully on the scale.
CSR: And you're getting the same number every time?
ME: Yep.
CSR: Ma'am, is it possible you might be losing weight?
ME: What?
CSR: Well, that's one thing that can make the number on the scale go lower -- if you've been dieting or exercising lately, your weight might go down, which could make the number go down.
ME: What?
CSR: Yes, ma'am. It sounds like you might be losing weight.
[Dumbfounded silence].
CSR: Ma'am?
ME: Yes, I'm here.
CSR: Congratulations.
ME: Um.... thanks. I guess I have been really busy lately and not snacking so much; and lots of lifting and stuff....
CSR: Good for you, ma'am.
ME: Thanks. Well, I have to go - I need to call my doctor and get in for an appointment. I want to get this puppy in the chart before it goes back up again....
*******************
This is, obviously, the most fun stage. Getting a little thrill when I step on the scale each week; watching the pants get looser; feeling so high on success I don't even want the jelly donuts and fried chicken; enjoying scarfing down the veggies because it finally feels like they have some bearing on the end result....
Am I totally excited to be losing weight? YES! Do I feel like a champ? You bet! Does it matter that the first five pounds always come directly off my boobs? Heck no!
Okay, it matters a little. But for the most part I get so psyched about inching the number down the scale that I don't focus too much on what's going on in the cleavage area. That's why G-d made generously padded push-up bras, right? And soon enough, the weight starts to disappear from other places, too, and I feel and look more balanced. Just lighter!
If I'm doing it well, this stage moves slowly, a half-pound or a pound a week, with an occasional two- or three-pounder to help me stay motivated. There are lots of weeks during this stage in which there's no movement at all, which was totally frustrating in Stage #4, but now seems totally tolerable.
And of course, after 2 weeks in this stage, I consider myself a weight loss and nutrition expert. I have unlocked the secret! Cracked the code! If I can do it, you can, too! It's awful, really, how quickly a little success goes to my head -- particularly considering I'm about 60 pounds overweight. But it's good, too, because that confidence in myself allows me to continue moving forward and tends to slow me down before I plow head-first into an entire package of Double-Stuffed Oreos.
There are positive cycles and negative cycles, and they both feed on themselves. It takes a lot of energy, patience and effort to turn a spiral of terrible eating habits into something more rewarding and healthy. But nothing creates that momentum in the right direction like a little bit of success. And when I start to see evidence that my efforts are paying off, I get totally excited and want to put more effort into it. It's a positive feedback loop. Pass the reduced fat salad dressing!
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