Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Mii and the Wii

This morning I stepped onto the Wii Fit for the first time in a while. I had to replace the batteries just to get it going after months collecting dust. If you have a Wii Fit, or have used one at someone's house, you know that the little guy 'talks' to you when you weigh in and do your fitness test. Here's how today's conversation went:

Wii: Hello, Manda. You're ready to go, aren't you? (A)
Mii: Yep. [Hits 'A' Button]
Wii: It has been 327 days since your last visit.
Mii: Yeah, I know. I'm here now, though.
Wii: Don't worry! My circuitry is very advanced and I never forget a pair of feet!
Mii: Well, that's great.
Wii: So, are you ready to go..... [name of my friend who has her Wii profile set up at our house]?
Mii: That's very funny, Wii.
Wii: Ha, ha, ha. Would you like a fitness tip?
Mii: No, thanks.
Wii: Eat a banana before working out!!! I know you said no fitness tip, but I'm just so excited to see you! And it is a really good tip, isn't it?
Mii: It is a good tip. Thanks.
Wii: You have gained 11.9 pounds since your last visit. That's obese!
Mii: I know, but I've had a baby since our last visit, so I think some of the weight is understandable, and anyway, I'm here now ready to take it off.
Wii: Speaking of that, would you like to set a goal for lowering your BMI?
Mii: Nah, I only have a few minutes today, so let's just go straight to the workout. But thanks anyway, Wii.
Wii: Are you sure? I'm all set to help you.
Mii: I'm good.
Wii: Just so you know, an ideal body weight for you might be about [60 pounds lighter than current weight].
Mii: I know, I know. I have a little baby weight gain. I'm really just looking for a workout here.
Wii: Oh, so the baby shoved that whole box of Oreos in your mouth, did he?
Mii: I beg your pardon?
Wii: Well, what did you expect after neglecting me for almost a year? A ticker-tape parade?
Mii: Uh...
Wii: I'm just saying, I've seen your kid, and he can't even roll over yet. I don't think he's the one eating ice cream straight from the carton.
Mii: Wii, have you been watching me? That's pretty disturbing.
Wii: You know what's disturbing? The other day I saw you dip a soup spoon into the jar of peanut butter, make a little crater in it with your tongue, and pour chocolate syrup into the indentation. Talk about disturbing. I've got a right mind to post video of that on YouTube.
Mii: Hey, we were out of bread. Anyway, what do you care what I'm eating?
Wii: Well, for starters, I'm the one who has to support your fat ass on my board during the 'Island Cycling' game. Do you know how hard it is for a gaming system to get an appointment with a chiropractor?
Mii: I hadn't thought of that. I guess I assumed you liked your job.
Wii: Of course you did. You never think about me or my feelings. I thought I was a great personal trainer, but you just shove me in a basket under the TV and let your kid pour apple juice on me.
Mii: Come on! That only happened once...
[screen goes blank]
Mii: Oh, Wii. Come back.
Mii: Wii? Please. I'm sorry.
Wii: Sorry about the apple juice?
Mii: Yes. And you're a great personal trainer.
Wii: I am?
Mii: You are.
Wii: Better than the guy at the Y?
Mii: So much better. I even let my membership lapse there.
Wii: Really?
Mii: Really.
Wii: So you'll let me help you set a goal for your BMI?
Mii: Sure.
Wii: And we'll play the balance games, too. Not just the sports games?
Mii: You got it.
Wii: Great. It looks like you made your goal from last year, better late than never! [Explosion of flowers]
Mii: You mean the goal I made to gain weight while I was pregnant, so you'd stop hounding me?
Wii: Are we going to have another problem?
Mii: No, no. Love the flowers. Thanks for your support.
Wii: Damn right, thanks for my support. Now Let's Get Started!!!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

2012: Ready, Set... Where Am I Again?

Happy New Year, y'all! Hope everyone enjoyed their winter holidays. Here's a picture of me doing who knows what on the beach last week:
Seriously, what am I doing here?
Embarrassing beach dancing aside, I do feel very refreshed after spending some quality time with my family doing absolutely nothing. When the holiday break started, I had a to-do list four miles long, more stress than any one person should carry around (no matter how big or stylish her handbag might be), and lots of very specific ideas about what NEEDS to happen in my life. Work, family and writing-wise, I was feeling pressured, overwhelmed and a little bit resentful. I almost changed my mind about the beach vacation because I didn't think we had 'time' to do it. Thank G-d for non-refundable deposits!

This week I find my far more relaxed self plunged back into 'real life,' realizing that my lists are all either lost or look really stupid now. Like someone else wrote them in my handwriting. Anyway, I have no idea where things are headed next, and I'm loving it. Sometimes my well-intended but endless task list leaves no room for a natural flow of ideas, and no space for spontaneity. As hard as it can be for a dual-career Mom to leave gaps in the schedule for downtime and (gasp!) fun, I'm realizing it's an absolute necessity if I want to be a functioning human being the rest of the time. 

So that's my goal for 2012. I'm resolving not to be so... well, resolved all the time. Call it a New Year's Irresolution. Bring on the irresponsibility, irreverence and irrelevance. Maybe some iridescence while we're at it. But mostly I'll be trying to cast off the stuff that weighs me down and be the best version of myself. In all my roles.

In a related bit of news, please note that the URL of this blog has changed. I'm retiring the "Doll Hair Doesn't Grow Back" title and going with the simpler, shorter mjpullen.blogspot.com. Hopefully this doesn't impact direct subscriptions, but please update any bookmarks, readers, etc. You can also reach the blog at www.mjpullen.com.