Monday, March 15, 2010

First Steps (Mine, Not the Baby's)

I felt I needed to clarify the title, to keep people from getting all excited that MLM might be walking and read on, hoping for adorable "Bambi-on-the-ice"-type video ending with my son falling on his adorable little baby butt. Well, sorry. Not yet, anyway.

Now that you've presumably recovered from the disappointment that this is just a blog about me walking, I can tell you that I start training this week for my big walk for breast cancer in June. I'm doing the prescribed program to prepare for my marathon-and-a-half in twelve weeks, a big uphill from where I am now.

One notable part of this process is that the training walks -- pretty mild for the first couple of weeks -- are certainly a benchmark for comparing my pre- and post-pregnancy fitness levels. Before MLM came into my life, I was managing 12- to 14- minute miles with a combination of running and walking nearly every time I covered a 5K distance. Today that number is closer to 20 minutes per mile [even after I discovered that the flat tires on the stroller were creating way more resistance than I realized, which has sped me up substantially].

Now, I know it may be dangerous territory to start comparing myself to my past abilities (hardly fair since my body has undergone one of the most difficult tasks of the human experience). I am where I am, and all that matters is that I keep taking the next step. Right?

And if I shouldn't compare myself to myself, I certainly shouldn't compare myself to other people. I've always tried to maintain this philosophy over the years, since comparing myself to others inevitably leads me down an unpleasant road, particularly if I'm working out in a college gym where half the girls on the treadmills are approximately the size of my pinky finger.

Still, it's hard not to take note when I see other stroller-wranglers out on the trail. I always look to see who's pushing which stroller, how old the little one appears to be, how fast they're going, etc. Naturally, some of this is just a natural affinity for and interest in people who are experiencing the same stage of life that I am. It's also partly because we made a big investment in our completely badass stroller and looking around affirms that we made the right choice.

But I'll own it, part of me can't resist comparing myself to women who are around my age and have babies around the same age and how well they seem to be "bouncing back." Of course, I would probably do well to remind myself that the women at the trail aren't exactly a representative sample of the entire new-mom population, but anyway...

Today, my first official day in the long journey to June, this particular sensitivity really came back to bite me. I was rounding mile 1.5 when I began to hear the distinctive sound stroller wheels coming up behind me. A few short moments later, they were definitely closer, calling attention to the fact that my pace had slackened. So, I sped up and turned my attention back to my audiobook.

But it wasn't long before I heard the stroller wheels creeping up on me again, and I began taking longer, quicker strides to stay in front of them. Soon I was working pretty hard at it, and still losing ground. In my peripheral vision, I saw the wobbly little plastic wheels of a typical all-purpose stroller coming up behind me. I was kind of annoyed -- I don't mind getting passed by cyclists and joggers and walkers who are unencumbered by little wheeled companions, but by another stroller mom? Me, with my super-duper running stroller with the bike tires, getting passed by transportation designed for the mall?!?

I fought it for as long as I could, but just before the 1.75 mile mark, she cruised past me. Already feeling a little defeated, I was even more annoyed when the woman turned to chat with me, and to comment sweetly how my adorable little boy looked so much like her grandson. Yep, that's right. Outclassed by the grandmother with the mall stroller.

So, unless I get passed by an actual turtle next time, it seems I have nowhere to go but up.

I think it's good to be humbled by this type of experience, but I really am trying not to be terribly hard on myself. It's so easy to get injured after having a baby, and pushing myself too hard has only backfired in recent months. This really is one of those situations in which I simply have to set my pride aside and just focus on putting one foot in front of the other.

Of course, keeping in mind the larger reasons for doing this really helps, too. Thanks so much to everyone who's supported my walk with a donation or encouragement or both, (and to those who were planning to donate and just needed this blog as a reminder)!

And to stroller-granny, watch out -- I'm coming for you!!

2 comments:

Grimlock said...

I recommend trading up to a carbon fiber frame and forged wheels. That'll show Granny who's boss.

M.J. Pullen said...

Thanks, Ross. Sadly, though, I don't think it's the stroller holding me back...