Lesson #12: Dare to Dream....

...but don't forget to set the alarm.

Okay, it's a little trite. I'll admit it.

You read, "Dare to Dream," in the title, and immediately you get some psuedo-inspiring, extra-annoying WhitneyBetteMariah song creeping into your awareness, complete with violins and some vague, drippy chorus. You see the poster image of the hang-glider or the astronaut that was on the wall of your 7th grade classroom, right next to the poor kitty who was having a little trouble staying on that darn tree branch.... Hang in There, Kitty!

We've heard people telling us all our lives to "Dare to dream," "Reach for the stars," and "Be all you can be." [Though I have to say honestly, I think the folks who gave us that last one actually wanted us to be something fairly specific.] All through our school years, we were told we could be and do anything. Anything at all! Use your imagination! Just as soon as you finish mastering trigonometry and diagram that sentence...

During our formitive years, when we got the most messages from adults that life was full of possibilities, we were also severely restricted in our ability to explore those possibilities by the structure of the adult world and/or the education system. It seems that the message was really more about the dreaming, and not so much with the daring.

I mean, when did you ever have a teacher say to you, "You know, Elvis, you're right. Calculus is not likely to be very useful to you in your music career.* Why don't you go outside and strum your guitar until AP English?" Or, "Sure, take a year off and travel -- work on your novel. School will be here when you get back!"

Now, I'm not getting into a debate about the usefulness of the country's educational curriculum (that's another blog for another day); but for now let's just assume we can agree that there wasn't a whole heck of a lot of time or encouragement in our schooling to get out and try new things, to go our own way. The same people who told us "Dare to Dream," were also the ones who told us "Sit Down and Be Quiet," "Finish Your Homework," and "I'm Pretty Sure These Stories You've Written Could Indicate a Severe Mental Illness."

So we sat down. We were quiet. We learned trig and history and economics and Shakespeare and bided our time for the day when we would be set free to pursue our dreams... and then, something happened. We went to college and tried to pick a relevant major (for many of us either based on, or rebelling against, what our parents thought would be lucrative for us financially); or we went straight out and got a job somewhere. Sooner or later, we entered the workforce, and the world of student loans, credit card debt, mortgage calculators, and 20-page cell phone bills that require your AP Calculus skills to decipher.

And we set about our jobs -- some of us starting with the most convenient opening and working our way contendedly up from there; others of us (like myself) bouncing from pursuit to pursuit, accumulating experiences, classroom hours, and mounting loan debt along the way. But in the middle of this, how many of us are really giving thought to our dreams?

I am amazed, when I'm working with clients on career issues, or just chatting with friends over a beer, how many of us haven't the slightest inkling what we would do if we could do anything at all. If money were not an issue, how would you spend your time? What would be your avocation? It's become such a hypothetical question for most of us, having been beat down by life's realities so much that we automatically dismiss our dreams as impractical, useless fantasies.

I'll concede that some of our childhood career fantasies are hard to translate to the real world... I have a friend whose son wants to be a fire truck. Not a firefighter, a fire truck. For a few months as a kid I wanted to be both the fairy queen of the unicorns and a journalist. Ha! Can you imagine? Everyone knows you can't make a living as a journalist!

So, sometimes we need to adjust what we want to fit reality, and most of us have become pretty good at that. But maybe we're too good at it?

What I mean is, there's some value in those crazy fantasies we had - and still have - about our lives and our identities. Wanting to be the fairy journalist of the unicorns says something about who I am, and if I dismiss that fantasy entirely and become a paralegal or an accountant,** how am I honoring myself?

So many of us get into our careers and our lives and start living on limitations rather than dreams. Instead of asking, "What do I want to do?" or, "Who am I, really?" we ask, "How secure is this job?" and "Will they pay for my health insurance?" Practical? Yes. Dreamy? Not really.

Now, there's nothing wrong with pursuing a nice, safe job to keep yourself and your family afloat financially. Or trying out a job because it's available and practical and then throwing yourself into it. Some of the jobs I've enjoyed the most in my long and varied career are those I never would've pictured myself in -- or even known existed until the wind blew me in the door.

In fact, most of the job titles out there are not those we dream up as kids. Go ask a 7- or 10-year-old what they want to be when they grow up, and I doubt you'll get "Chief Information Officer," or "Assistant Brand Manager." But the point is not so much what we do, or what our job title is, but how we do it. And how we live our lives around it.

What I've found with many of my clients (and a few of my friends) is that when I challenge them to explore their fantasy jobs, fantasy lives, they come up with amazing lists of possibilities... many of which can be incorporated into their lives -- sometimes even right away. It might mean opening up new possibilities for career moves they hadn't thought of before, or even just taking on new tasks or new approaches in their current careers. All based on a fantasy that seemed so out of reach, it wasn't even worth discussing.

Maybe I can't be the fairy journalist of the unicorns, but I can incorporate writing into my career and my life. And maybe in my smallish way, I can inspire others - almost magically, even - to bring more happiness into their own lives. Maybe I can benefit from incorporating more of that imaginative spirit into my life and work, the way I did when play was my primary occupation.

Whether we know it or not, even our craziest dreams and desires can have tremendous value if we take the daring step of letting them into our awareness. Sit with them a while. Make notes. Take small steps and make little changes.

And when you're hang-gliding over the ocean or preparing for launch at NASA, send me a postcard!!

*Disclaimer: Before my teacher friends jump all over me, please note that this is a fictional example only. I know how incredibly and practically related calculus and music really are. I can't tell you how many times I've caught a band doing some derivations of parametric equations between sets! It's a total trip, man!

**Second disclaimer: There's nothing, nothing wrong with being a paralegal or an accountant. Both are necessary, important functions, without which our world would not run very smoothly. Many paralegals and accountants also wear very nice suits, which I admire.