In my Advanced Counseling Theories class, our homework assignment for this week was to answer this question: "Has the movement of your life so far been consistent with your values as you understand them?"
Whew. It would be way easier to answer a question about Freud or Adler... something I could look up in a book, cite references, and move on with my merry little life. Even something mildly introspective that would ask me about my opinions or feelings, here and now, would be pretty easy to crank out in a couple of hours.
But this question is extra hard, not just because it implies that I need to be able to articulate my values in some way, but because it asks me about my behavior up to this point. The temptation, of course, is just to say "yes," and move on. Sure, I've been basically a good person (mostly) -- and I'm not lying awake at night, racked with guilt over my countless transgressions. So that must mean that my life basically aligns with some internal set of values, right?
Maybe. But maybe not. How often in my life have I stopped to ask myself whether my behavior, desires, and reactions fit in with my values? For that matter, how often have I stopped to consider what my values really are?
I think we often tend to qualify our values in terms of social norms, particularly within a certain group. We identify with our home culture or religion in an assumptive way, and probably only notice our values when they come into conflict with those around us. In fact, it's easiest to talk about values in the negative - as in, the things we don't agree with or wouldn't do.
You hear a lot of this during election season, when advocates of all positions are quick to point out the evils of the other side. We love to talk about what is wrong during election season - whether it's big corporations or big government, war or abortion, campaign procedures or the lifestyle of the candidates. But we so seldom talk about what is right. And even less often do we focus on how each of us, individually, can do right in the world.
It seems that it's much harder to talk about our values in the positive -- what we actually believe and do each day. I would say that one of my core values is loving-kindness toward others, and that sounds lovely, but how am I living that out? I'm generally nice to people, particularly those I like, and I'm lucky enough to work in a field that allows me to show kindness and compassion as a daily part of my profession. Okay, good.
But what else am I doing? Do I hold back and bite my tongue when I have a juicy piece of gossip about someone? Heck, no! Am I giving my time to help those in need as often as I could? Not so much. And I have some great rationalizations -- irresistible temptation, my crazy schedule, hectic life, my own challenges...
Of course, there's no way to live out any one value or conviction perfectly, but how do I know if I am even coming close? And if I never stop to list my values "as I understand them," how can I even check myself against it? Is it just a gut feeling? Do I assume that I am consistent with values unless that sinking feeling of conscience tells me otherwise? Or am I required to be more proactive with the way I live my life?
It seems as though my main answer to the homework question has only been more questions. Can't I just write about Freud instead???
1 comment:
"Has the movement of your life so far been consistent with your values as you understand them?"
I would look at major decisions you've made and how you made them as part of your answer.
1. Vocation: Is your choice of vocation consistent with your values? Here a lot of people make choices that are inconsistent for the sake of money. The only job I ever felt prepared to turn down was when I was sent by a temp company to a gun company for an interview. I went through the interview, but determined that I couldn't, in all good conscience, take the job. Where do we draw the line? On the other hand, I did work for a major automobile company. Do I agree with all their practices? No, and I didn't then, but I wasn't yet strong enough to not take the job. I also temped for an oil company. But, over time, my movement of jobs has been more and more towards ones that support my values, until, now I'm in the job where that's the job itself, in some ways.
2. Faith: Many people stay with faiths that they don't agree with either on the professions of the faith itself or in the social applications of their faith. An example is many American Catholics who don't believe in the virgin birth or in the teachings of the church on birth control, and yet stay anyway. Is your faith in keeping with your values? If not, how do you deal with the contradiction.
3. Family/Home: This is the hardest one, for me. There are little ways all the time that I don't live my values, from not recycling my bottles when it's not convenient, to feeding my daughter too much fast food. I make little sacrifices to my values all the time, unfortunately. It's an area I can definitely improve in.
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